Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Northern Exposure

Yep, it's come to that time of year when the weather is the topic of conversation, and the bane of my existence. The Northeast is where my family and I choose to call home. I say choose and I have to shake my head. Why do we choose to stay in a location where I bitch about the weather nine months out of the year?

Why do we stay in a location where my dog doesn't even want to go out to relieve himself?

Why do we choose to stay in a location where we have to dress our children from head to toe in layers of clothes rendering them barely able to walk to the car never mind fit in their car seats?

Why? Why? Why?

I could go on with the scenarios, but I am preaching (mostly) to the choir. I mean it even snowed in Georgia this year! IS NO ONE SAFE?

We live in the Northeast. I grew up here and except for a brief stint in the midwest I have never known another place to call home.

That being said, I have, since as far back as I can remember, always dreamed of living elsewhere.
More specifically someplace with a fairly consistent temperature with the needle leaning more to the right of 70 than the left!

I LOVE Summer. I used to love fall until fall became Finter. We are losing entire seasons in this four season region. Spring isn't even really spring, it's more of a Sprinter.

Winter
Summer
Sprinter and
Finter

It's like our seasons are morphing into reindeer, the animal most closely associated with THE NORTH FUCKING POLE!!!!!!

I find this unacceptable and I will not go gently into this deep freeze.

I know, as I stated earlier, that it is by choice that we live here. I have been talking to my husband, originally from Brazil, for several years about moving to warmer climates. It seems I married the only Brazilian on the planet that quite enjoys freezing his nuts off rather than sweating them off!
He loves snowboarding, chopping and stacking wood and just breathing in the lung paralyzing air of Massachusetts winters. WHY?!?!?!?!!

I should have known when he took me to his family reunion...in MICHIGAN, WTF????? I married a Brazilian, silly me thought I might get to vacation on the sands of Sao Paulo HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you will go to NORTHERN Michigan, and you will like it!

Full disclosure: the family compound is stellar. In the summer, on the lake, by the infinity pool, as cousin Moni makes caiperinihas in the cabana until the limes run out, if you close your eyes you might actually feel as though you are in South America. There are people speaking Portuguese, Spanish, French and Bull Shit, or as we like to call it Landoltese. It truly is an escape, kind of like Alcatraz (You'd have to experience it to understand my comparison.)

I am normally a pessimist but I am still holding out hope that one of these years we will be drinking our Caips on a beach in northern BRAZIL!!!!!!!!!!

Until then, sa├║de!









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