Alone time, more space and more alone time

Sometimes, when I'm laying in bed listening to the insanity going on in our 950 sq. ft. house, I fantasize. I fantasize about big, firm pillows on a King-sized bed, in a hotel room...ALONE!

I know when we become a spouse, and a parent we largely give up the right to most forms of alone time, except for the occasional weekend away with the girls to celebrate how old we are getting, or the very rare anniversary weekend, but alone, I mean really alone is almost nonexistent. I'm talkin about talk to yourself alone. I mean put books and your iPad and your notebooks and journals, magazines, highlighters and favorite pens and snacks in the bed with you and grab that clicker like you own the thing! "This bed is my island!" Pile all the pillows behind and around you and look, are alone!

I love my family, I love my pets, I love my little house, although I would love it more if it were a few rooms bigger and a few walls thicker. Someone once said, in an effort to make me feel better about my tiny house, "small house, close family." I really had to think about that one. I mean, I guess, but close in what way? Yes we know what we are all doing at all times. We are close in vicinity. All the three year old has to to is open the bathroom door with his back side out and he's likely to catch one of us at the ready to do a walk-by-wiping. The ten year old can't sing her favorite songs at the top of her lungs without getting shushed if its after three year old has fallen asleep. Laughter is also shushed if it's after 9. ALL FUN MUST STOP ONCE THREE YEAR OLD HAS MADE WAY FOR DREAMLAND. It's very restricting.

I grew up in a slightly bigger house, two stories rather than a ranch, but there was an overall understanding "children were to be seen and not heard," so quiet was a given in our house on the whole. And with the four O'Clock adult beverages it was mostly just my nephew and I up waaaay past 9 watching whatever we wanted.

I don't want my kids to not be able to express themselves. I don't want them going buck wild at 10 p.m., but I would love it if they had a more autonomous life within our home. We share closet space, I with my son and Husband with my daughter, strange, it just worked out that way. So, in the morning husband goes in to get his clothes for work intruding on ten year old sleeping. My son is always up before me, so no worries there! I am NOT a morning person, but that is another blog altogether.

There is always someone showering, someone relieving themselves and someone brushing there teeth at the same time, one bathroom, four people. I don't like shushing. I don't want to stifle the kids creativity and imaginative play. For these reasons, and that I would love my own studio space, I would like a bigger home. I would like to write without having to wear my husbands noise-canceling earphones he uses for chainsawing. I have to say though, they are an excellent temporary solution, as long as husband is home to take care of the chaos while I block out the world. I know, I know, you now have the add penguin jammies to the mix, HOT! Hmm, now I am wondering how often my husband fantasizes about alone time!?!

When we moved in we had one four year old and two cats. Now we have a ten year old, a three year old, a dog and a cat, plus the two of us. When we saw the house, the in town we adored, we thought it was perfect for our little family, our starter home. Beautiful yard, pool, side yard perfect for soccer, enormous deck that serves as the main room all summer long. Then winter came, and the honeymoon was over! Then we had a second child, and the honeymoon was really over. So, why not get a dog, what's one more moving being to add to the mix? One that gets under your feet, begs incessantly for any type of food, and wants to best spot on the couch?

I try to make myself feel better by saying we have a lower carbon foot print but that isn't working anymore! I'm willing to add solar panels and/or a mini windmill to offset the new rooms grid use. The fact of the matter is, we need more space.

I am back to work, and slowly we will build the cash flow to make changes to the house, or move. Although I love our street, the neighbors and the plot is the perfect size. No matter, the goal is bigger, but not unnecessarily large. Workable space, smart space, SPACE. I think we all deserve a nook to call our own, not just my family, but everyone! I require it for my mental health! The rest of my family would say they require it for my mental health as well ;).

In the meantime, I have a weekend work conference coming up in April and guess what I got...Corner room, King-sized bed and pillows to prop this mama up even if I'm too tired to watch whatever I want! I might not even bring my penguin jammies!



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