Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Valentine Credit

I remember when Valentine's Day meant wondering if I was going to get chocolates, or flowers. If we were going to have Italian, or Middle Eastern. If I was going to have a headache, or if my husband was gonna get lucky.

Now, I'm freaking out because my three-year-old can't spell his name on his (my) handmade Valentine's. And should he give his classmates a sweet treat...or an eraser? Obviously NO kid wants an eraser, or stickers, or a pencil, even if it's an Avenger's one, but with allergies and parents concerned about too much sugar all at once, I get it. But let's be honest, erasers for Valentine's? LAME!

Should we just skip the Valentines? I mean how long do we keep them before we throw them out? In this ecologically fragile time is it wise for us to continue to make shit we're just going to throw out in a week behind our kids backs? (some of us actually save these things because we inherited the hoarder gene).

Maybe we should just give all our kids "pre-email" accounts so they can send E-Tines. Let Dora and Boots entertain them through an e-card! "Come on Vamanos, everybody let's go, It's Valentine's Day Today, Your Daddy's might get laid, HOORAY!"

At least no one will know they can't type, and you can either delete it or save it in a folder named PreKValentine's2014MassachusettsMrsJThreeyearsoldDORAANDBOOTS.

Or how about a social networking site for kids during HALLMARK HOLIDAYS (actually all holidays)! We can call it https.www.MyMiniSpaceBookPage.com/yourkidsnamehere

They could have profiles with their school pics:

Bobby Stonehill
Wallace Pre School
Princeville, Mass
Teachers: Mrs. J. Mrs. L. Mrs. K and Ms. F

Age: Three

What Should Be Posted:
Breastfed until twelve months
Occasionally wets the bed (Actually wears pull ups on a full-time basis, but we call them underwear)
Likes super heroes, Super Why? and Strawberry Shortcake!
Still sleeps with a nightlight and sucks his thumb while rubbing left ear
Doesn't know ABCs or 1, 2, 3s

What We Will Actually Post:
Peed and pooped on the potty without even being asked
Sleeps with room darkening shades; doesn't even know what a night light is
Never sucked thumb, or used a paci, self soothed
Read at twelve months, knows numbers up to 1 million and time tables up to 10

I mean doesn't this all lump in with the whole "parents end up doing what our kids were assigned to do until they are old enough to do it on their own" thing?

My son is not going to cut out Valentines in that perfect heart shape, because he will most likely be cutting off the cats whiskers with the scissors. The same scissors he had in his hand as he was chasing after said cat, down the stairs and under the bed. He will only want to give the Valentine's to the boys,  and he will want them to be in the shape of a gun.

I will cut them out of the scribble paper I save for just such occasions, check. I will have him attempt to draw his name, or at least first initial on each one until he gets tired of that, and then I will take over from the second one on, check. And I will stick a "safe, and parent approved treat" on them, get them in bags, and pray I remember to bring them to school tomorrow, along with his sheet, blanket, bunny, alpaca, lunch box, water bottle, ski pants, second set of season appropriate clothes, as well as the special treat he brought home Monday, a bag with a stuffed animal, three books and a writing assignment (that I will write), (not done, still looking for bag).

I think we as parents need to start taking some credit for all this work we do! After all, WE DO IT!

I say we confiscate and eat all the Valentine's treats. We should get that star from the assignment and put it on our vanity mirror, and if we sell something for a fundraiser we should get a note saying "YOU RAISED $X.XX for your child's trip to Llama Land in the Spring, yay!"

I really think it will help ease the stress the next time the kiddos come home with an assignment for us to do! I know most parents could use the boost in self esteem, and really, who is it hurting?

My first step in TAKING BACK THE CREDIT: I just ironed my Girl Scout Cookie Badge onto my Favorite Scarf (Now I need to deliver these friggin things before they expire!)

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