dTMS Treatment #1

Today I was fitted for my helmet/cap and received my first dTMS (deep Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) treatment. 

I will be logging my full 36 days of treatment before, occasionally during, and after each one. I will vlog, need to find a good platform, open to recommendations. 

This is what I call my “chemo.” It’s an opportunity for me, someone who has treatment resistant depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD to try something new. There is no medication involved (although I am still on current meds). It’s non-invasive with little chance of negative side effects. 

My fingers are crossed. 

Day One: not in love with the treatment. Was much more upbeat about it before the session than after. Constant strong pulsing on your skull cannot be comfortable for anyone. They say it gets better with time. The depression side was much less uncomfortable than the anxiety side. Anxiety treatment is shorter but very intense and literally contorted my face. 

I am someone who does not even like to be touched on the head so this is definitely tough for me but I have to give it a try. It’s my life. I have been offered ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) but have always turned it down due to side effects. I’m hoping this will do the trick. I know ECT has helped a lot of people but I’m just not willing to go there yet. 

I’m now in bed. More emotional than I thought I would be. Going to relax and be gentle with myself and build up positivity for Monday’s treatment. 

My son just came down and I showed him the video and pictures. He was shocked I had depression and anxiety. He’s only nine. My daughter is 16 and has known for years. I believe it’s important they know and see the process. Now I am going to look for videos and articles on how to explain depression to a nine year old so I don’t freak him out. 

🤞🏼

If anyone has any questions I’m happy to answer them. As usual I am open to sharing my journey in the hopes that I can help others and blow this stigma to pieces!!!!

*we are able to watch Netflix during the treatment and after I got my bearings I put on Brené Brown, very appropriate!